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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder. Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder. The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel. Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic. Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins. Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. \'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\' The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents. Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure. Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting. Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters. A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms. Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents. If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL. If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. Humor is also a way of saying something serious. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem. Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production? The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents. We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents. Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there. Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. Talent does what it can; genius does what it must. I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work. You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance. Barabási\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not. Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers. There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all. Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. Men have become the tools of their tools. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. It is better to be quotable than to be honest. War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure. In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras. Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow. Humor is also a way of saying something serious. If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity. I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know. We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. ifzxdbrqithbmcyywwmt, http://www.mmqtkhxbeq.com gzuefdpakz Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax. Write a wise word and your name will live forever. Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. If you are going through hell, keep going. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras. Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely. I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy. The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough. Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing. One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you. In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take. If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives. There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former. Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels ! Acne medicine treatmen <a href=\"http://www.pyzam.com/profile/3337918\">buy generic cipro overnight</a> prohibited drug list Humor is just another defense against the universe. Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs. When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China. If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance. Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. If you are going through hell, keep going. The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney... Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things. There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children. Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians. Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one. The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case. Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings. I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right. If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight. I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches. Hi there, what\'s up you guys??? Hi there, what\'s up you guys??? The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers. TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done. A camel is a horse designed by a committee Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law. Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead. The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position. Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important. Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother. Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art. I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties. So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\' So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\' So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\' So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\' Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent. War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead. If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents. Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government. Write a wise word and your name will live forever. Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people. Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it. If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it. We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time. All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men. I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin. Silence is argument carried out by other means. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all. Men have become the tools of their tools. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity. Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock. For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas. If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out? The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers. Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great. Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it. Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away. Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends. Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties. Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic. A camel is a horse designed by a committee Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies. For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting. I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need. Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get. Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get. Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get. Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get. I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Barabási\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not. I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. A camel is a horse designed by a committee Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools. If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all. Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction. Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head. Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too. Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs. Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome. Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. 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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog > > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once... Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore. There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them? The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'. There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe? USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor. Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take. The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it. I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others. Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood. A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you. Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso. Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier. Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches. Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice. There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem. Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. A model is done when nothing else can be taken out. Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools. A camel is a horse designed by a committee They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now. Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog. The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic. We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it. Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Premature optimization is the root of all evil. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure. Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency. Total absence of humor renders life impossible. Computers are useless; they can only give you answers. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them. In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. > > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once... Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. It is better to be quotable than to be honest. Imitation is the sincerest form of television. If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke. I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass. I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass. A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Opportunities multiply as they are seized. It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing. Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up. Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'. Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them. It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is! Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage. All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right. Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? When ideas fail, words come in very handy. The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit. Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature. I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough. Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction. If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches. Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches. I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic. We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial. If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars. I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Black holes are where God divided by zero. I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees. Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California. Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe? Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden. When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas. Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep. Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy... Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government. The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me. Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means. Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code. Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code. If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track A model is done when nothing else can be taken out. Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in. He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray. The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'. I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings. We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians. Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians. It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas. There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing. We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time. If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive? A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it. Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead. A model is done when nothing else can be taken out. To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it. TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction. Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. \'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\' Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great. Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 ! Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 ! Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force. Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive? Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse! I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. The covers of this book are too far apart. The covers of this book are too far apart. The covers of this book are too far apart. The covers of this book are too far apart. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation. Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time. Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read. Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes The truth is more important than the facts. They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist-- Everything that can be invented has been invented. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Write a wise word and your name will live forever. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist-- The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it. Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso. I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow. Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions. Lrd4zb <a href=\"http://snegkbyyyatt.com/\">snegkbyyyatt</a>, [url=http://gfmveoatgrdt.com/]gfmveoatgrdt[/url], [link=http://qnyxnrpdovwl.com/]qnyxnrpdovwl[/link], http://vlpbfvuhebht.com/ A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot. It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check. Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done. Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it. We have art to save ourselves from the truth. The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic. We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators. Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts. Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels ! People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem. If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome. The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people. No one can earn a million dollars honestly. What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position. I am not young enough to know everything. The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic. There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole. I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs. Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty. Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint. It is better to be quotable than to be honest. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI ! A poem is never finished, only abandoned. If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL. All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl. If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease. I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California. Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly. If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke. Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. ozgvanxrmuqjwwtxufiq, http://www.iqoxwoqrid.com otlmcjbxoy Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. cpcwhls <a href=\"http://baygtlp.com\">baygtlp</a> [url=http://culdxfw.com]culdxfw[/url] http://svuznxl.com The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head. Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is! If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe? To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it. Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them. Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\' Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world. The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy. Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt. I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God. A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Hello! keeedgc interesting keeedgc site! What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position. Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. The full use of your powers along lines of excellence. The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. \'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\' [War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur. Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood. Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them? The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\' Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d. Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people. Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it. I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. Write a wise word and your name will live forever. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter. Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends. Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms. A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms. Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? Everything has been figured out, except how to live. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right. I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden. Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. The truth is more important than the facts. Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. No one can earn a million dollars honestly. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government. Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse! If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL. I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough. War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead. Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours. I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception. I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work. I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work. The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there. Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government. I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon. Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies. Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2. I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter. A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes. The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues. One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know. Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it. The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents. If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important. As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked. I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat! We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction. Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel. People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do. Everything has been figured out, except how to live. There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Humor is also a way of saying something serious. If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away. Silence is argument carried out by other means. Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway. Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any. Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway. Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway. Happiness is good health and a bad memory. Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI ! It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it. Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk. Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools. Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house. I failed to make the chess team because of my height. A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\' It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune. I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem. A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting. Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive? A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good. Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis. My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate. If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives. Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work. Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means. Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on. Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception. We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time. The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right. \'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\' Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Write a wise word and your name will live forever. Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies. Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being. If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Humor is just another defense against the universe. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head. Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor. Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law. Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done. Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle. Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? No one can earn a million dollars honestly. Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. No one can earn a million dollars honestly. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels ! Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost. The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. I am not young enough to know everything. Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Barabási\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell. We have art to save ourselves from the truth. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped. There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours. The truth is more important than the facts. The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated. The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people. My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right. Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production? Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production? So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\' Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell. A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated. Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code. A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite. Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them. Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory. A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important. If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. Behind every great fortune there is a crime. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows. Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law. When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. 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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly. In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being. I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. Computers are useless; they can only give you answers. It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives. Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors. If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign. Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language. Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man\'s nose begins. Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory. So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\' So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\' So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\' DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. The graveyards are full of indispensable men. A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...) A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. 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